I’ve been looking forward to this Mother’s Day, kinda for the first time ever. Even though I’ve technically been a mother for 6 years, this one is very different. Pre-River, we never made too big of a deal out of Mom’s day, Ewan was too young to get it, and Pete already has a weird amnesia when it comes to all holidays. But last year, Mother’s Day was my due date for River. And I knew by January that we were never going to see her born that day, that she was destined to come earlier.
For Mother’s Day 2010, I learned something about motherhood, that my love for my child had enabled me to grow out of my previously experienced limits of being a mommy. I was a mom to a baby girl, a baby girl in a predicament that I never would have wished upon anyone, a condition I never thought I would have been able to understand or tolerate or walk through. An experience that scarred me, a deep wound, one of those wounds that once you heal from you are stronger than you were before. I didn’t go into motherhood a very strong and confident person, especially with children. I have emerged in a different skin. A skin I’m proud of.
I decided last year that we would start a tradition of going out to breakfast, only so I could start the day immediately with booze. Mimosas! We managed breakfast and mimosas, then the car’s key fob battery died and Pete had to walk to and from Radio Shack. Then they dropped me off at the hospital so I could spend the afternoon with River, who had just reached “term” age. Any day now she was to be discharged, but it didn’t help my mood that day. I was sitting in the ICN and it was super quiet. Nowhere did anyone acknowledge what day it was. I cried the whole time. I held her and cried.
So this year I could merely cry about the fact that she’s home with us and not in the hospital. I can hold her, kiss her, bounce her, play with her, talk to her and love on her all I want. We will start the day out in the same restaurant, bring me a drink please! Even Ewan has reached the age of Mother’s Day participation! He has his school project all wrapped up and waiting and is very excited. Even my husband shopped 24 hours in advance…wait that’s normal. Love you honey!
Our exciting River moment of the day was she rolled over. Yes, this may seem like a small feat for a baby, a much younger baby usually. But for River, this has been a landmark event in her physical development. She just recently learned how to get off her tummy up into a sitting position. She has always hated tummy time. G-tube being such a nuisance! She has for a while been able to roll off her tummy to her back. But today she willingly rolled to her tummy, and then quickly got up and into a sit. She knows now if she ends up there that she can just sit up! I found her sitting in her crib today, fighting her nap time, also! She is getting stronger, literally every day !
That little moment is why this day is so important to me now.