August 25, 2010: We needed to arrive at the hospital around 6 AM, with our son staying at a friends, we checked in while the whole hospital seemed asleep.
It took a couple of very causal hours up in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit to prep her gently for surgery. She was just 5 months old, and we hadn’t been back to that hospital for 3 months. Living there for the first 2 months of her life was the most trying time in my life. To be back came with very mixed emotions. Life saving surgery. Baby on life support. Open-heart surgery. Huge risks. Huge rewards. I managed to hold it together that morning. Handing her over was very difficult, and the next 3 hours very long.
The ride over the next few days was very bumpy, last year’s anniversary post is here. Our stay was 10 days and I felt like I came home with a new baby! You cannot take away the very real risks involved with any surgery, for anyone. Especially not this type of surgery. We are extremely fortunate to live very close to a children’s hospital who had a very amazing heart surgeon. I feel extremely blessed every time I remember the experience. And every time I look at her chest scar I feel gratitude and joy. That scar is one of the best things that ever happened to her. I love her scars, every one of them.
Being two years away from that day is also a blessing! We have a little heart-healthy girl, on no medications, and can be active and enjoy life to her fullest extent. We are also 2 years closer to the next time we must take her into open-heart surgery. Still a ways off, but in about 6-8 years it’ll be time to do it again. This time with more trepidation since the procedure to repair her coronary artery defect is controversial, comes with the same risks as all other open-heart surgeries, and she’ll remember. But we are granted with the luxury of time right now! So I get to tuck that away for another day.
Looking back and remembering, I think sometimes how impossible it nearly was for me to endure these events as a mother. As a family we went through some serious hell. River was so ill and fragile, and endured so many health complications and procedures, my heart stops when I think of it all.
Truly impossible: life without River.