Blended Feelings

Yes, I’ve been avoiding you. The blog has always been a place where I can dish about River’s life and spill my guts out all over so I feel better. I, hopefully, have helped a parent or two. But I haven’t wanted to share on the daily humdrum of tube feeding. I can’t deny that I’ve been sad about our slide back to a 50/50 tube feeding lifestyle.  River’s backtrack on by-mouth success over last year had us progressively going back to using the g-tube. We have had such great hope for our daughter’s success at oral eating, but for the time being I believe we have found a balance.

Her percentages fell below her typical curve in January 2014, and we had the GI and the nurses all freaked out about her weight(lack of gain). DH had never seen Dr. P look so distressed by it before. So we added even more calories to her daily tube feedings. Her need for weight at this time outweighs the need to push getting off the tube. She had her four-year checkup recently and she has bumped back up to her curve and the doctor was not concerned about her growth, and believes that River is just a petite little thing and may always be that way. It does give us great pleasure to see the pounds growing on her, she weighed in at 29.4 lbs today, and that is giant news around here, that is a fabulous number!

Now, 3 months later, we continue to tube feed her approx. 12 oz a day of a blenderized diet that we concoct. Since then we’ve also pulled her out of preschool. Preschool did not work out after all, and, since I graduated, there was no need for the day care. She became more and more upset about going to school, and she was not handling well the constant over-smothering by her classmates. Some of this distress may have contributed to her lack of weight gain over the winter.  Chill time has been much needed after a hectic last four years, so we also pulled the plug on speech therapy(especially since her speech has grown by leaps and bounds), and will return to that at another time. We believe that her weight gain has been in response to us going back to a blenderized diet using a Vitamix. We used this method to feed her before the first attempt at weaning her at 21 months old. We strongly believe that better nutrition(real whole food) has a huge impact on her weight and health. We were told to just start giving her more of the Boost drink she was on, which of course is just filled to the brim with refined ingredients and loads of sugar. Her blender food consists of only whole fresh ingredients.

Sample recipe:

  • 2 cups organic whole cow’s milk
  • 1 cup organic brown rice cooked pasta
  • 1/4 cup flax oil
  • 1/2 cup organic spinach
  • 1/4 cup organic carrots
  • 2 tbs. organic peanut butter
  • 1/4 cup organic hemp protein powder
  • 4 oz. organic whole milk yogurt

This recipe produces a calorie count of 1.7 (which is 1.7 calories per every 1 ml) and makes 925ml (just under 4 cups) and lasts us about 3 days. But most of the time we just wing it. Sometimes we add other things like cooked organic eggs, olive oil, current seasonal vegetables, a banana. She also takes gummy multi-vitamins and fish oil. If River notices us making her blend, she may even have a request for us to put in something she likes, usually it’s apples. We have our next appointment with GI in May, and we will talk about all of the concerns revolving around River’s eating and weight, and to change out her AMT mini(not fun). She is currently eating at every meal and still loves food and drink, and hopefully sometimes she consumes enough bonus calories in the day herself!

❤ Today, River had her annual cardiology check up. It’s such a pleasant office, it’s sights and sounds bring me the opposite of comfort. But going in, I was not that worried, although I’ve had some nagging questions, and one which has been heavy on my heart lately. We took Ewan with us, he said he was interested in seeing River’s heart and I just couldn’t deny such a great learning experience(and a reason to have him with us to keep River happy – which he does a great job at). Ewan was able to escape school for a few hours, and observe an echocardiogram(although he’d been years ago, he doesn’t remember).

Photo Apr 23, 11 06 33 AM
Three thumbs up after only a few shed tears at the ekg.

Everything went great! River’s echo and EKG looked fabulous. Her bicuspid aortic valve and aorta are the primary areas of concern these days, as of today the aortic arch(site of COA repair) looks great with no narrowing, and her valve looks the same as before, the same amount of small leakage is there, but not enough to be a concern. River never has any complaints about breathing, her chest or heart. Finally, it was time for my questions for the year…. First I want my yearly dish about her coronary artery defect, I want to know what the doc thinks about her future with that concern. He explained that a CAT scan will be needed on her heart to get a full three dimensional image and map out the coronary artery and it’s origin, and that will be coming up for her around the age of 10. Then we will all know more about how big of a risk it is in her life and if a repair is in order or not. Ok, Ok, that calmed me a little, it’s still definitely a big “if” and she is just too young to know more.

Now…the question I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer to, but it finally dawned on me recently about women with CHD’s and pregnancy. Would or could River carry a baby without endangering her life? I have been fretting and gnawing on this question for months now. Sure, it’s entirely likely some doctor told me 4 years ago this answer and in my trauma-induced state I’ve completely forgotten. Each person with CHD is different, and there is no blanket answer, there is only her individually to assess.

Reluctantly cooperating, being a big brave girl
Reluctantly cooperating, being a big brave girl

My heart froze up for a moment and I braced myself, I couldn’t believe I was willing to go through this with the children in the same room. They would certainly see me lose it if the news was….well….not something I could handle lightly. I owe a huge SIGH OF RELIEF to Dr. Park today, he gave me the answer I was hoping for with all my heart.

Yes. At this time, River’s heart conditions are considered ok for pregnancy. Of course, cardiology would be involved in her pregnancy, monitoring her. It is a possibility in her life, if she wants to, have children. Weeping on and off since I got home, and celebratory enough to finally come crawling back to this blog 🙂

Happy Fourth my little pixie, here are some pictures at her birthday party:

Photo Mar 16, 11 33 41 AM
Her beautiful cake by our dear friend
Photo Mar 16, 2 13 06 PM
Her Hello Kitty/St. Patrick’s Day theme birthday
Photo Mar 16, 1 01 09 PM
Party at the Children’s’ Museum
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